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Sally Forth and get funky. Rex Morgan M.D. funky.

Toot Toot. Open wide. The Update Train is a-coming!

Marshmallows, Pixies, and Jug Bands all a-mingling together.

To The Hip-Hip-Hippity-Hop!

Olly-olly-ox-in-free!

2003-05-17 - 1:58 p.m.

Come on America! Shake your McSalad Shaker!

The McSalad Shaker, Obesity's Best Friend:

Do you remember this thing? Is it still around? This shaker of sorts puzzled me. I do not understand how this thing achieved any sort of popularity whatsoever. WHO bought this strange McSalad Shaker? Who thought to themselves "Hey! I need a healthy lunch!" and then went to McDonald's to satisfy their craving with a plastic cup of dressing, some iceburg lettuce, and three croutons thrown in for coloring? We don't eat our salads, here we drink them. It is a salad dressing shake. It's a MANLY salad-shake.

I did some research into this matter, and I actually came across a co-worker who had tried the McShaker. I asked her how it was and the response she gave was, "It wasn't as bad I'd thought it would be."

Now that's a positive response of sorts, and while that puzzles me, what confuses my brain even more is that she bought the McShaker EXPECTING it to be bad and was pleasantly surprised when it wasn't horrible*. How did McDonald's do this? What sort of era of taste have we entered in which "not as bad as you'd think" qualifies as a culinary compliment? And how was this product marketed as healthy?

Excuse me. Everyone? Please raise your salad dressing shakes and join me: To obesity! Thank you.

* I'm not sure what my co-worker's definition of horrible would be...not making her vomit, perhaps? Because surely a cup of dressing, no matter how tasty and creamy, qualifies as horrible.

Actually a cup of any condiment = HORRIBLE. Sorry folks, I just don't see anyway around it. A little dab'll do ya. But for those of you who disagree, don't fret. I'm sure McDonald's will come out with a new product soon, maybe the McCatsup tub, or the McMustard bin, or maybe some strange combination of the two, and it'll be condiment heaven! The slogan will be yellow and red makes orange, and we will be a very forward society indeed.

After all, we are the society that put peanut butter in the jelly container, swirled it about, and called it a new take on an old thing. We are nothing if not inventive. The dominant species on the planet? Oh you'd better believe it!

-The Fanged Faerie's got things on her mind.

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