2003-05-15 - 12:16 p.m.

Go ahead. Walk like an Egyptian. I dare you.

Another bright-eyed and bushy-tailed day! Oh the energy! Oh the motivation! Be amazed by my multi-tasking abilities! (I am actually reheating a vegan egg roll as I type this, oh yes!) No task is too daunting! I am productivity personified.

Not that it's all my fault that I've been so lazy (covert avoidance of responsibility). I don't get off work until midnight and I live thirty minutes outside the city. So I rarely get home any earlier than 12:30, and then I need at least an hour of piddle time before going to bed (I know, it sounds like I've joined my cats in the all-out pee fest, piddling all over the place). Well sometimes said "piddling" takes longer than expected and that hour extends into three. Then the metaphorical snowball begins to roll and I end up sleeping until noon everyday this week. Productivity personified, ibid.

I am a dazzling entertainer with tales of piddling and sleep-pattern excitement, am I not?

Needless to say I believe this schedule has been a big part of the unrelenting Blahs of previous entries, of which yesterday was a low point. I barely managed to drag myself to yoga class (again, THIRTY minutes outside the city) and even though I'm glad I went I am super-sore girl today. All that space I created stiffened up almost immediately, and now my movements around the house are accompanied by the "ow" monologues. I am a one-woman show, indeed.

Jackass: The Movie

After yoga I watched Jackass: The Movie. Unbelievable, these gluttons for pain, punishment, and destruction. About halfway through my best friend and I realized we were too smart for this movie. We were all "what did their parents do to them to make them this way" and "talk about gender issues" and yet, I'll be damned if we weren't laughing. Thumbs down on the scenes that were ALL ABOUT THA' NASTY PAIN (being bitten in the nipples by crabs, sharks, lizards, and other various tiny creatures with lotsa teeth). And while I'm not the biggest fan of seeing grown human beings roll around in their feces until they vomit with glee, I truly appreciated those skits that screwed with societal reality. One special favorite involved Wee-Man getting underneath a giant orange road cone, and then just walking around the crowded streets of Tokyo. It made me laugh that insane kind of laughter, where I crossed into the dangerous pee-on-myself zone. It just doesn't get any better than a giant orange road cone sidling around the city, bumping into people and blocking exits and stuff.

Midget + Giant Road Cone = Recipe For Hilarity. Enough said.

Okay my darling invisibles, now I go and rake the yard! I have about three hours until evening plans begin and that's three hours I better use productively if I want to stop this damn rolling snowball. So peace be with you! Go bravely into that good night! And don't go giving the Baby Jesus any high-fives (you don't know where he's been!)

-The Fanged Faerie contains no partially hydrogenated oils.

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